… I think I have plenty of them, actually, I know I do. But, that’s not what I’m here to write about – I’m not going to sit here & spill out all the information about me you don’t know…. that’d take years. 😉
First of all! Gosh, it has been so stinkin’ long since I’ve written; I’ve even stopped writing in my journal. I don’t know what happened – I feel like I started getting too busy living life that I didn’t have time to write about it anymore. Even in the moments when I was suddenly laying in bed & started thinking, “I really want to write” I didn’t. I could give you this complex reason with a lot of depth; but to be honest, I just got busy living life & stopped writing about it. Simple as that.
So, if you know me well than you know that I’m a big reader. Rarely am I seen without a book in my hand; & I’m never known to read one book at a time but usually 3 or 4 & sometimes 5. It’s just the way I am. One of my favorite books is “Walking from East to West” by ravi Zacharias. I’m probably a bit biased when it comes to this book because the author is from India & anyone & anything that has to do with India immediately grasps my attention. *grin*
I read this book for the first time in February & I’ve gone back to it again & again since then! It was one of those books that I read & then the day I finished it I said, “I wish it wasn’t finished; I might start it again” & honestly, I almost did! 🙂 … As it is sitting on my bed beside me, I’m seriously considering it.
Not only do I keep going back to this book but there is a quote in the book that has been running around in my mind like crazy. & when a dear friend of mine shared a personal story with me; one that aches him, this was the very quote that I thought of.
“Keep your private heartache private; keep your collapsing world propped up.”
Zacharias gives an introduction to those words saying: “Professional appearances are all that you could take with you. And one dare not wash the family “dirty linen” in public. I could understand that to a degree, but it left a residual heartache in private. That’s what life is all about: Become a doctor or a lawyer or military officer. Become part of society’s influential lot. That was passed along to each of us, both explicitly and implicitiy. That’s India.”
I’ve read those words countless times this week; & then Tuesday when I had first read them… a friend came to me, one who was keeping his private heartache private & his collapsing world propped up. Why? Probably because of shame & embarrasment.
I have a dear friend whose 32 years young, & he’s from India. He’s lived in the U.S. for the past 4 years & I met him in Tennessee in September while I was on a family vacation. We had both been hiking the Smokey Mountains & my love & burden for India led me to talk to this man…. & the rest is history. Well, 7 months later, he told me a story that first made me frusterated & then made me weep.
Tuesday, due to a few things prior, this dear friend said to me, “Teresa, when I first came here 4 years ago, at the job that I had a young man asked me about marriage quite a bit. I told him my age & the fact that I’m not married & ever since then many people in my workplace say to me, ‘you weren’t good enough for the women of India so you had to come here’ mocking me because I’m not yet married. So what’d I do? I started telling people I was younger than I am, I started saying I was 28 or 29, because that’s what people wanted to hear. I just want to avoid the topic, I want to run from the subject completely. It’s too personal, it’s private.”
“Keep your private heartache private.”
In response to this dear friends private heartache, I didn’t go any further. Why? Because I promised him that I wouldn’t be like everyone else, that I wouldn’t force him to talk about the things that are private to him. That I wouldn’t ask him about the very thing that forced him to think he had to lie. Even though inside…. I’m burning to know, does he want to be married? My guess is yes & that’s why their words made him keep this private heartache private & his collapsing world propped up.
I truly value honesty – I value it when it comes to telling the truth instead of a lie. I strongly hate when I am accused of lying or asked if I am lying about something or embellishing it. That is something that stings a bit. I always question, “if this person could ask me if I was lying about this, then do they really trust me? What is that friendship/relationship really made of then?” All those thoughts rush into my head, & doubt follows. But, even more so, I value honesty in a different way, in a way I think we often over look. When I think of “honesty” I think of “openness.”
Where there is true honesty there cannot be room for secrets. We all have them, some of them are deep, some of them are dark, some of them are silly & some of them are being kept for others. But I’m wondering why? Why do we hold those so close to us? All of those secrets begin to entangle & hold us captive. Honesty, openness & truth, that is where the light is found.
A Travelers Journey 