Seek!

Today has been one of those busy days. One of those days that I wish I could find the quiet and be still for only a moment; but that’s kind of hard with nine people running around the house. Usually a simple friendly voice that I haven’t heard for quite some time, a song I love, or a simple smile can comfort me. But even the sweet music of Bethany Dillon in my ears has left me frusterated and longing for the quiet that I haven’t been able to find… inside or out. Today has been one of those days when I’ve only been able to see “home” for a moment; I haven’t been “home” since 10am and finally stepped foot back into it at 7:00pm… yeah, today has been one of those days.I woke up this morning longing to be near Jesus after a rough nights sleep and after the past night of struggling with Him. In the quiet of the house slightly before 7am I knew it’d be the only time to try and be quiet and still for that one moment. In the quietness of my room I wasn’t able to be stilled or quieted, to be relaxed or calmed; but God did briefly breathe something into my heart that I’ve never heard. Something that I haven’t been able to be still enough to completely grasp, but, yet, something that I feel I’m going to be holding onto for awhile… even while I’m struggling.

This morning I was reading through Zephaniah and a few chapters in Amos. Amos isn’t normally a book I read, I’ve only read it 3 or 4 times in the past almost 2 years I’ve been following Jesus… but for some reason the heading: “A Lament and Call to Repentance” stood out at me.

Through reading chapter 5 very few words stuck out at me, I’m not sure why these words did, but God has been desperately trying to wrap them around my heart.

This is what the LORD says to the house of Isreal: “SEEK ME and LIVE.”
“SEEK the LORD and LIVE.”
“SEEK good, not evil, that you may LIVE.” (5:4, 6a, 14a)

Those simple, short verses weren’t placed together and put in big letters in God’s Word… but somehow those were the words that stuck out at me, the words that God peirced me with, the words that God has been trying to wrap around my heart and somehow allow me to grasp.

“Seek Me and live. Seek the Lord and live. Seek good, that you may live.”

Seek. Seek Me. Seek good. And Live. Seek Me and Live.

I sat in the quiet of my bedroom in the early morning putting those words together… seek Jesus and live. It may sound simple but those words have been hard for my heart to grasp. Somehow I’ve forgotten what it means to truly seek Jesus, what it means to truly be alive while doing so.

My heart hasn’t been able to grasp those words during this busy, unstable, and unstilled day. My heart hasn’t been able to grasp those words during the fast-past moments. But, I’m truly wanting to be still and allow my heart to grasp what God is trying to get across to me what it really means to seek Jesus and live; because somehow I’ve forgotten what it means to be still, to truly seek Jesus whole-heartedly and to live.

Seek Jesus and live…
Teresa

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The words of a 5 year old…

Today I got to spend time with some of my favorite people in the world: my 8 year old neice Kiesha and my 5 year old nephew Ethan.I told my sister Britt today as her and I were watching Kiesha and Ethan play basketball near the house with my nephew/brother Tre: “I honestly hate seeing Kiesha and Ethan grow up so fast. But, I love how they’re finding even the most simple things amazing.”

Those words lingered on in my mind after spending hours of taking walks, playing basketball, picking flowers, watching Cars, playing soccer, eating snacks, singing songs, talking about family, friends, summer and Jesus, taking pictures and just watching the clouds.

There has been something amazingly refreshing today about being around them. I love how they’re finding the simpliest things adventurous and full of excitement. Even their onery smiles have created a fresher heart in me- even though they use it so often only to get what they want. *grin*

Today sweet Ethan and I went out on a walk. He asked for some time of just him and I, and so we started down the sidewalk hand-in-hand. We were walking down the street and he looked up at me with his precious brown eyes and the sweetest smile and said: “can you tell me more about Jesus? The things I don’t know. Can I know the whole story?” I suddenly had the biggest smile on my face that if anyone were to walk past they’d wonder what on earth could make me this happy and want it too!

The two of us kept walking and I simply told him: “Like I told you before, Jesus is and was perfect. There is nothing wrong with Jesus. He can’t sin.” Ethan asked me in wonder while grasping my hand: “What’s sin?” I said to him: “Sin is the wrong things that we do. Jesus can’t do those things. Sin is when we lie, when we hurt someone on purpose. And you know those people you see on tv that kill another person? That’s called murder, and killing someone is also a sin. Sin is the wrong things that we do, the wrong things that people do.” Ethan simply said back to me: “Oh… and Jesus can’t sin? Jesus is perfect?” “Yes, Ethan, Jesus is perfect, He doesn’t sin. I told you before that Jesus died for us, well, if Jesus wasn’t perfect then He couldn’t die for us. If Jesus sinned and did bad things you and I do then He couldn’t die for us because He would be a bad person also. But, we had to have a perfect Person die for us, and that was Jesus.” Ethan once again opened his mouth and amazed me with his words: “And Jesus was God and a person, right? Jesus, died. Why did Jesus get killed. How’d they kill Jesus?” “Jesus was on earth because God sent Him to earth because we sin, we do bad things. And Jesus had to die for the bad things that we do because He is the only perfect One. God had Jesus come to earth as God because He was perfect but also as human because He was covered in skin like us. He looked like us, talked like us, ate and felt like us.” Ethan sliley said: “Hmm… okay. I get that. But, why’d He die and how?” I said to him, still with his hand grasping mine and his brown eyes frequently looking up at mine as we walked: “People wanted to kill Jesus because He said He was the Son of God; which He was the Son of God because God sent Him to earth. People wanted to kill Him because He was perfect and said He knew and was God, the only One that could save them from their sins.”

Ethan asked me: “He said He was God and people wanted to kill Him for it?” I simply said back to him: “Yes.” And Ethan, full of confusion and anger and frusteration said back to me: “How dumb! That’s just dumb! They killed Him! How dumb.” After a few seconds of silence he asked me once again: “How did He die?” “Do you know what a cross looks like? (he said yes.) The people hung Him on a cross, they put nails in His hands and His feet to keep Him there. They let Him die, and His was mom was there to see it all happen. But do you know what else happens? ” Ethan looked up at me confused and full of wonder and he said: “No, what happens next?” “Well, after dying on the cross the people put Jesus into a tomb (I explained what the tomb was) and after 3 days Jesus came back to life! Ethan Jesus is the only Person who can come back to life. And you know what? Jesus knew it was going to happen. He knew He’d die for our sins, the bad things we do, but He also knew that He’d rise from the dead.” Ethan full of excitement let go of my hand, took a few steps infront of me and jumped as high as his little legs allowed. I said to him: “And Ethan when Jesus rose from the dead, He went back into Heaven. Do you know what that’s called? (he said no) it’s called ‘ascending,’ He ascended into Heaven, He left earth after dying for us and went back to Heaven.” I looked down at him and he had the biggest smile on his face. He ran and jumped a few feet ahead of me as he shouted: “Jesus went up and up. He went up again, again, again, again, and again and then He reached Heaven! He’s in Heaven now!” And then He giggled the rest of the walk back home… and he said to me many times: “Teresa, I love Jesus.”

The one last thing he said to me is what stuck. He grabbed my hand again and asked: “Teresa, why do some people go to Church when they don’t even like Jesus? Some people sleep in Church, some people don’t like Him.” I was in awe. I remember walking with him at that moment and saying the simple words of “Thank You Jesus.” I said to Ethan: “Some people don’t believe in Jesus, they don’t believe any of the things I told you. Some people just go to Church because they just go, some people want to know Jesus and others don’t. Some people want to follow Him and others don’t.” Then Ethan finally said to me: “How do you follow Jesus?” “Ethan, the older you are the easier it is for me to explain it to you. But, to follow Jesus you have to really believe what I just told you; and really love Jesus. When you follow Jesus you read your Bible, and go to Church… but those things aren’t the most important. You have to really love Jesus and do what He tells you to, you have to know what He tells you to do by reading the Bible. You really have to love Him, and want to love Him and believe in what He says.” Ethan finally said back to me: “Teresa, you know what? I really love Jesus. I really do.”

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Opposites Attract

Sometimes I think that the title of a blog is the best part and when I thought of this one I already got excited about writing. *grin* I’ve always heard people say that “opposites attract” whenever someone is referring to people in a relationship. I’ve never really thought about it until this morning when I was having some time with Jesus. That may sound odd, but stay with me here.

This morning when I was reading, after reading so many paragraphs I caught myself praying over and over again. During one of the moments I paused and just sat in the early morning silence of my room. I wasn’t able to put together the words that were bottling up inside of me; the words that I wanted to somehow put together and say outloud.

During the moments of silence with my Bible in my lap and the sun shining through the curtains; I caught myself silently praying. Incase you don’t know, for me to pray silently is rare. I’m one who says everything outloud – even when it’s only me in the room, but especially during my time with Jesus.

During that moment I suddenly began to realize just how different Jesus and I truly are. In that simple, quick moment I realized the differences between Him and I. He is faithful in everything He does, I’m unfaithful. He is pure, holy, and consistent; I am made of flesh and blood and so many times give up or give in too quickly and easily. He gives 100% in everything He says/does/allows – and even in my ‘best’ moments doubt, guilt, fear and pride linger.

Those thoughts passed through my mind within only minutes… and finally I said words outloud: “we are so different, I don’t know why I’m finally realizing this. God, why do you still love me?”

After saying those words I felt a calming feeling come over me, one I haven’t allowed myself to be still or quiet long enough to grasp lately.

Those were the thoughts that I left my room with this morning: The God Almighty is a God that can work in me even when doubt, guilt, fear, pride, and discouragement are in my very being. And that opposites truly do attract, God truly does want me even though I fall short, I’m unfaithful, made of flesh and blood, and even though my ‘best’ moments aren’t the best.

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