Things Unseen

Monday or Tuesday afternoon I finished a book by one of my favorite authors. “Things Unseen: Living in Light of Forever” by Mark Buchanan. The book is basically about becoming heavenly-minded and not only or always thinking of things on this earth. I want to quickly share with you very few of the profound quotes that I’ve read in this book!

“Our deepest instinct is Heaven. Heaven is the ache in our bones, the splinter in our heart. Like the whisper of faraway waves we hear crashing in the whorls of a conch shell, the music of Heaven echoes, faint, elusive, haunting, beneath and within our daily rutines. There you are, standing at a window watching oak leaves flutter down from dark boughs, and without a warning your whole body fills with a longing for something you can’t name, something you’ve lost but never had, that you’re nostalgic for yet don’t remember. You sense a joy so huge it breaks you, a sorry so deep it cleanses.”(Buchanan quoting C.S. Lewis)
“If you read history, you will find that the Christians who did the most for the present world were just those who though most of the next. The apostles themselves, who set on foot the conversion of the Roman Empire, the great men who built up the Middle Ages, the English evangelicals who abolished the slave trade, all left their mark on earth, precisely because their minds were OCCUPIED WITH HEAVEN. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.”

“Take captive literally means to take prisoner. We take prisnor, he says, (referring to Paul) anything that tries to take us prisoner.”

“God is proud to be the God of the Heavenly-minded.”

The day I finished reading this book I talked to a friend of mine on the phone and we got to talking about this book and he said: “The book sounds good, but, does it only talk about being Heavenly-minded? Does it over emphasize being Heavenly-minded that it isn’t telling you how to be both? Does it tell you how to be earthly-minded and yet Heavenly-minded? Because if you’re only one then that’s not good either.”

That last quote that I shared with you made me think of a question and something I’ve been wondering since I’ve finished this book. This book mainly states how we become Heavenly-minded, which is the very first place to begin. But now my question is: how do we balance being Heavenly-minded and thinking upon things of this earth? Do they go hand-in-hand? If you have any thoughts please do share them with me. I’m not looking for a specific answer, only your thoughts.

Blessings….
Teresa

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Light in the dark spaces

The man who preached at church on Sunday, who was ‘filling in’ for our Pastor who was out of town said something along the lines of: “I think almost anything can derive from pride.” When he said those words yesterday I didn’t even take a moment to think upon them; they went in one ear and out the other. Infact, yesterday I didn’t even realize he had said those words. But, for some reason this morning I was reminded of them and they have been heavy on my heart. I believe him, I think almost anything can derive from pride.Two hours ago I was sitting in the quiet of my room and trying to spend some quiet time with Jesus, something I’ve been in desperate need of. I was reading through Haggai, which this year has turned into my favorite book in the Bible. If you’ve never read it or haven’t read it in awhile then I suggest that you spend time in that book. It just so happens to be one of the shortest books in the Bible but also packed-full of things we need to hear and take to heart.

I’ve literally read this book nearly 20 times since the beginning of the year, and usually the same words speak to me and that’s why I read it because I normally know what to expect. But, this morning God suprised me, first with the words of the elder who preached at our church and then with ‘new’ words from Haggai that lept off the page and into my heart.

‘The glory of this present house will be greater then the glory of the former house,’ says the LORD Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the LORD Almighty. (2:9)

In all honesty, that verse didn’t speak much to me until I read it again and then thought about one of the things I’ve been struggling with and tried connecting it with what was spoken yesterday at church. Pride. “Almost anything can derive from pride.” The words in Haggai and those words that were spoken indirectly to me yesterday, I realized were meant for me to hear and to take to heart.

This morning when I was having some time with Jesus I thought this and then said it to Him outloud: “God, I really don’t know where I am. I’m lost. I just ask that You don’t leave me here, that I don’t stay where I am. I’m so much further from You now.” In saying those words it was quickly brought to my attention that I was doubting God and the fact that He CAN save me and that He won’t leave me where I am. That He can and will change my heart, only because He desires to… not because I want Him to. Those words spoken to me at church and the words that lept off the page finally came together. I was doubting the words God said in Haggai “The glory of this present house will be greater then the glory of the former house.” I was doubting that God can change my heart and His words “Never will I leave nor forsake you.” Why? Because of pride. And why did my pride lead to doubt? Because almost anything can derive from pride; and in my case its especially been doubt and a wayward heart. The truth is is that God loves me way more then I’ve ever deserved, more then little ol’ prideful, doubtful, wayward-hearted Teresa deserves or expects.

If you would’ve asked me half a year ago if I considered myself prideful I would’ve quickly said with the sweetest smile on my face: “No, I’m not prideful.” But that answer has changed since sometime in March… I’m full of pride. I struggle with pride like nothing else. The only thing that I struggle with just as much as pride is doubt and a wayward-heart… which I also would’ve said I didn’t struggle with if that would’ve been asked of me a few months ago.

This morning, in only the 2 1/2 hours I’ve been awake, God has been shining light on the things in my heart that definitely need to change. The things that I’ve been trying to hide from Him even though I know He knows its there.

Things are much easier said then done . I know that because I’ve been here many times before, and those of you who have been where I now am can nod your head yes and agree with me. It’s much easier to continue falling down then trying desperately to get back up and make my way to the top of the hill knowing the Enemy is attacking at any given moment. It is much easier to pretend the things in my heart aren’t there or that I’m truly not struggling then it is to fall on my knees with my face buried in the carpet at Jesus’ feet. The things we don’t want to do are easier then the things we should do (in some cases.) Even in the times that I desperately want to come before Jesus humbled sometime it’s easier not to. It’s easier just to give up and give in then it is to press foward and somehow find the strength and trust in God to keep on going even if it seems we’re only going downhill.

Please do pray for me friends, that I would truly take these things to Jesus’ feet. That I wouldn’t pretend they aren’t there or that I’m not struggling- because when I begin to do that then I’m going to be led into thinking they really aren’t there and then not dealing with them at all.

Teresa

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"Sometimes I really don’t like who I am."

I once read something that a wise young lady wrote: “Sometimes I really don’t like who I am.” Ever since I woke up Thursday morning those words have been repeating over and over again in my mind. Sometimes I really don’t like who I am.I had something happen last week that made me experience what it truly means to not like who I sometimes I am; who I sometimes can be. I had an experience where I had to see the very things that hide in my flesh, the very things I hate spurt up and take action.

A dear friend and I had big plans with a few other friends to get together earlier this week. Certain things happened, people changed plans and their minds and therefore, things didn’t work out the way we all thought it would. Come Wednesday afternoon, I called this dear friend of mine to see if things could still work out for the two of us to get together. It had been over 5 months since I’ve seen this sweet friend’s face, and I was getting terribly tired of only being able to hear her voice over the phone. When I called her and she answered the phone I already began to regret calling her, I knew she wasn’t doing well and I could sense a hint of anger, frustration, and annoyance in her voice. But, she told me things weren’t going to work out- and understandably, I figured that would be her answer considering the last 24hours.

At this point I was a bit disappointed. I knew when I called what answer I would get to that question, so why did I call? I really don’t know… but I was soon to find out why I shouldn’t have called. Within only minutes into the conversation and after she had explained to me that things wouldn’t work out for us… I let those very things that hide in my flesh, the very things I hate, spurt into action. And honestly, I cannot let the fact that I’m human be my excuse (that would become lame and useless after a while), or even the fact that I’m 15… I may be human and only 15… but I know where to draw the line.

So, I said to her words that I should’ve never said, things that could quickly be ‘misunderstood.’ That is where I messed up, that is when I assumed she would completely understand everything I meant behind those words. That is when I thought she possibly couldn’t misunderstand me. But she did… or at least I’m still trying to make myself think that. She got angrier, more upset, and her annoyance with me simply turned into complete frustration. She said back to me a few words that I won’t mention here. (I want to keep the gist of this personal, between her and me.) This is when I finally began to think she misunderstood me, that my words could’ve been taken in a different way then what I meant. I simply tried putting in my words, “No. Wait, I didn’t mean it that way! Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” I had a lack of words, and she simply said back: “Teresa, you know what, I need to go.” And I was left with the sound of the dial tone.

Sometimes I really don’t like who I am. Within seconds after she hung up on me I began to cry like a baby. I sat in the silence of my house replaying the conversation in my mind and finally realized how she could’ve misunderstood me. I might’ve made a stupid move when I didn’t call her back right away, but I got the ‘hint’ that she didn’t want to talk to me when the dial tone was the only thing I could hear.

Sometimes I really don’t like who I am… sometimes I honestly don’t like that I can lean toward selfishness. Heck… I won’t make it sound better then it is…. sometimes I HATE that selfishness can sometimes define my attitude and my motives. Sometimes I hate when I try to justify what I said with: “she misunderstood me.” I still don’t know what my motives were for the words I said to this friend. Maybe I simply won’t find out what my motives were, or maybe I’m just afraid to find out that selfishness and pride were the root of my words.

That evening I went to Church and we sang the words: “May the words I say and the things I do/ make my lifesong sing to You.” I stood there with nearly 80 other people in the room and tears were beginning to well up in eyes… sometimes I really don’t like who I am.

The weird thing is, is that no one knows what happened earlier this week besides my sister. Maybe I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want anyone to know what I’ve been feeling, I don’t want anyone to know what has led me to tears, anger, frustration and guilt this week… or maybe I don’t want anyone unrightly angry at this friend of mine for hanging up on me. Actually I think it’s all of these reasons.

These few days with not hearing her voice, I’ve been questioning what my motives were toward the words I said. And I’m slowly beginning to think that I was trying to justify what I’ve been feeling. The only thing I’ve been able to gather up during these past few days is that sometimes I really don’t like who I am, sometimes I don’t like the things that lurk and hide in me- the things that can take action at any moment, and that sometimes I try to justify myself. I desperately need God’s grace to cover me. I truly hope that I would sit in the silence and listen to and for His voice… even when it’s hard, even if I’ll hear things that I don’t want to accept about myself.

This isn’t exactly what I had in mind for my first blog… but it’s led me to write, nonetheless.

Thanks for sharing with me….

Teresa

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